i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
