Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
