I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
