on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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