Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
