Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize