I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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