i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
