hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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