after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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