wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
