What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
