She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
