I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
