We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My penis needs a shock collar
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
