I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
