so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
