I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
