Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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