The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
