giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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