Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
