end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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