there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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