Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
