I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
