walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
