Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
