k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
