yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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