I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
