do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
