Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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