I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
