the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
