she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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