Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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