sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
