Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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