beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
