gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i've created a new STD.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize