I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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