And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
