i think i have two assholes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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