her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
