Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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