If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
