dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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