I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
