I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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