You're completely useless in the revolution.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i want to swaddle you in tequila
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
