I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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