Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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