So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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