Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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