Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
