I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
