we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
