I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize