The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
