At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
