you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
