You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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