Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
