I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
