My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
