guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
