I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
