also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
