Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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