accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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