I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize