I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
