everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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