Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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