I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
