I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
