thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
