If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
