turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
