i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize