I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
