angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
