i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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