How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
