Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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