your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
