Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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