I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Congratulations! We have a period
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