About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
