he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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