I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just gift wrapped bread.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
