just tell him i said nine months
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
