And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
