The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
