Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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