I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sorry about my life...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
True college students do jello shots in the library
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