dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
