I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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