I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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