***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
