Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My balls are so social today.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
