i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
