I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
