the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
