Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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