Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
