one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
